Most couples build a relationship believing that the best of all worlds will open up to them, and for some, that’s true. Over time, others discover that the day-to-day reality of sharing life with another person can be complicated, confusing or downright frustrating.
Traits that once attracted you to a partner may now seem problematic or exaggerated
Communication skills may have broken down over time
Intimacy may be interrupted by long work hours, kids, illness or other reasons
Financial struggles are causing repeated arguments and stress
Trust issues have developed over time
At Core, our couples counseling therapist uses The Gottman Method to provide the opportunity for couples at all stages in their relationship to deepen their commitment, enhance communication, and strengthen positive behaviors that will help both parties cope with issues that frequently impact a relationship. When a couple comes to couple’s therapy for the first time, emotions are often intense. We approach the first session with an attitude of “no blame.” Using a combination of questionnaires that assess your relationship strengths and problem areas, plus individual interviews with each partner, our therapist will then provide feedback to help create a treatment plan that incorporates your goals for your relationship.
Why Do Couples Seek Counseling?
Triggers that commonly lead to scheduling the first appointment include:
Communication problems
Arguing and conflict
Infertility
Extramarital affairs
Career pressures, job loss
Sexual problems, loss of intimacy
Financial and lifestyle changes
Conflicts about raising and disciplining children
Medical problem or chronic pain
Did you know?
Most couples are in some distress by the time they make the call for an appointment.
In fact, couples wait an average of seven years after they realize that there are problems in their relationship before entering couples counseling. Yet, they are often surprised at the relief they feel after the first appointment.
The components of healthy relationships that form the basis of the Gottman approach are:
+ Build Love Maps
How well do you know your partner’s inner psychological world, his or her history, worries, stresses, joys, and hopes?
+ Share Fondness and Admiration
The antidote for contempt, this component focuses on the amount of affection and respect within a relationship. (To strengthen fondness and admiration, express appreciation and respect.)
+ Turn Towards
State your needs. Be aware of bids for connection and turn towards them. The small moments of everyday life are actually the building blocks of relationship.
+ The Positive Perspective
A positive approach to problem-solving helps attempts to repair succeed. Negative perspective darkens our viewpoint. Positive perspective builds hope and good feeling.
+ Manage Conflict
We say “manage” conflict rather than “resolve” conflict, because relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects. Understand that there is a critical difference in handling problems that are perpetual (likely to persist) and those that are solvable (can be brought to closure).
+ Make Life Dreams Come True
Create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her hopes, values, convictions and aspirations.
+ Create Shared Meaning
Understand important visions, narratives, myths, and metaphors about your relationship.
+ Trust
This is the state that occurs when a person knows that his or her partner acts and thinks to maximize that person’s best interests and benefits, not just the partner’s own interests and benefits. In other words, this means, “my partner has my back and is there for me.”
+ Commitment
This means believing (and acting on the belief) that your relationship with this person is completely your lifelong journey, for better or for worse (meaning that if it gets worse you will both work to improve it). It implies cherishing your partner’s positive qualities and nurturing gratitude by comparing the partner favorably with real or imagined others, rather than trashing the partner by magnifying negative qualities, and nurturing resentment by comparing unfavorably with real or imagined others.
What does it mean when someone is a Certified Gottman Therapist?
Our Certified Gottman Therapist, Whig Mullins, MSW, LCSW, RN, has completed the Level 2 certification program offered by The Gottman Relationship Institute.
About the Gottman Method couples therapy
The Gottman Method is a research-based approach to couples therapy by Drs. John and Julie Gottman based on his analysis of over 4,000 couples. Their methods are based on rebuilding and enhancing the core relationship of committed couples.
The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy is more than twice as effective as traditional marriage therapy.
We concentrate on three areas: friendship, conflict management and creation of shared feelings. These three core elements are essential in building successful relationships.
We help you replace negative conflict patterns with positive interactions while learning to “repair” miscommunication and negative conflict communication.
As coaches, we focus on interventions designed to increase closeness and intimacy, improve friendship, deepen emotional connections and create changes that enhance the couples shared goals.
Program begins with the premise that most marital conflicts fall into two categories: either they can be resolved, or they are perpetual (meaning they will be a part of your relationship forever, in one form or another). They have proven that 69% of marital conflicts are perpetual problems and these are of particular focus in our therapy. These are issues that can be successfully managed.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman and their colleagues at the University of Washington conducted extensive research on how real couples interact so they could better understand what causes problems in a marriage and what leads to marital happiness. Drs. Gottman identified key components to help relationships flourish. When couples become better friends, learn to manage conflict, and create ways to support each other’s hopes for the future, they protect their relationship from the inevitable stressors and transitions of life.